One of the hardest battles Christian families face happens right in the living room—anger. We all get angry. We get angry often. And when we do, we tend to sin against each other.

But anger itself is not the problem. Anger is a natural response to sin and injustice. The real problem is how we handle it.

What should Christians do when anger rises in their chest? Proverbs 29:11 gives us a clear contrast:

“A fool lets out all of his spirit, but a wise man holds it back.” (Prov 29:11, LSB)

This verse shows us both what to avoid and what to pursue when we feel angry.

The Fool Loses His Temper

“A fool lets out all of his spirit.”

Other translations say it this way:

• “A fool gives full vent to his spirit” (ESV)
• “A fool gives full vent to his anger” (CSB)
• “A fool always loses his temper” (NASB)

The fool does not control his anger. He expresses it freely and immediately. His face shows it. His words reveal it. Sometimes his fists display it.

Scripture says, “Anger lodges in the hearts of fools” (Eccl 7:9). The fool makes a home for his anger. He nurtures it. Then he releases it on everyone around him.

Consider Cain. When God rejected his offering, “Cain became very angry, and his countenance fell” (Gen 4:5). God warned him: “Sin is lying at the door; and its desire is for you, but you must rule over it” (Gen 4:7). Cain did not listen. He killed his brother.

The fool loses control. His anger controls him. He sins with his thoughts, his words, and his actions.

But the wise person responds differently.

The Wise Keep Anger in Check

“But a wise man holds it back.”

To hold back means to restrain. The wise person feels anger but does not give it free expression. He controls his feelings instead of letting his feelings control him.

The fool gets hot and shouts. The wise person keeps his cool.

Think of Jesus on the cross. He had every reason to be angry. Men mocked Him. They beat Him. They crucified Him. Yet He prayed, “Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34).

Jesus felt the full weight of human injustice, but He did not sin in His anger. He restrained it. He channeled it toward mercy.

Two Ways to Keep Your Anger in Check

How can we follow Christ’s example? Two biblical truths help us:

First, rely on God’s Spirit. We cannot control our anger by willpower alone. Paul commands us to “walk by the Spirit and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh” (Gal 5:16). The flesh produces “outbursts of anger” (Gal 5:20), but the Spirit produces self-control (Gal 5:23). Ask God to help you. Depend on His power, not your own.

Second, be quick to forgive. Peter asked Jesus, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven” (Matt 18:21-22). Forgiveness does not mean pretending the wrong did not happen. It means releasing your right to revenge. When you forgive quickly, anger loses its grip.

Anger will come. That is certain. But how you respond reveals whether you are walking in foolishness or wisdom. Will you give full vent to your spirit, or will you hold it back?

Pray for your family. Ask God’s Spirit to produce self-control in each of you. Practice forgiving quickly. These habits will not come naturally, but they will come as you walk by the Spirit.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​