What the Bible Says About Loneliness: 7 Truths

You can be surrounded by people and still feel completely alone. Loneliness is not simply the absence of company. It is a deep ache that sits in the chest of the widower at dinner, the pastor after a church split, the mother whose children have moved away and stopped calling. David knew this ache. He wrote, "Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am alone and afflicted" (Ps. 25:16).

Loneliness is a compound emotion that not every person experiences alike. For most, it involves sadness and feelings of isolation. For many, it involves shame, grief, anger, and a sense of inadequacy. For some, it includes feelings of rejection, jealousy, and envy.

When Christians feel lonely, we need to interpret our loneliness through the lens of God as revealed in Scripture. God does not completely remove our feelings of loneliness, but He does give us biblical truths to help us cope with it.

Does the Bible Address Loneliness?

Scripture is filled with examples of God's people feeling isolated and alone. Loneliness is not a modern problem. It runs through both Testaments, touching patriarchs, prophets, psalmists, and apostles alike.

Job described the pain of abandonment: "He has put my brothers far from me, and those who knew me are wholly estranged from me. My relatives have failed me, my close friends have forgotten me" (Job 19:13–14). Naomi lost her husband and both sons, left with nothing and no one (Ruth 1:3, 5). Elijah, after his greatest victory on Mount Carmel, believed he was the last faithful man in Israel: "I alone am left; and they seek my life, to take it away" (1 Kings 19:10).

The Psalms give voice to this same suffering. "You have caused my companions to shun me; you have made me a horror to them. I am shut in so that I cannot escape" (Ps. 88:8). "I lie awake; I am like a lonely sparrow on the housetop" (Ps. 102:7). "Look to the right and see: there is none who takes notice of me; no refuge remains to me; no one cares for my soul" (Ps. 142:4).

The New Testament is no different. God the Father left Jesus alone at the cross: "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" (Mark 15:34). The prodigal son, destitute in a foreign land, found that "no one gave him anything" (Luke 15:14–16). The sick man at the pool of Bethesda had "no one to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up" (John 5:7).

Paul experienced loneliness near the end of his life. "Demas, having loved this present age, has deserted me," he wrote to Timothy. "Only Luke is with me. Pick up Mark and bring him with you, for he is useful to me for service" (2 Tim. 4:9–11).

Though Scripture is full of these illustrations, the English word "lonely" appears only three times in the ESV Bible: Psalm 25:16, Psalm 102:7, and Lamentations 1:1.

Why Do We Feel Lonely in the First Place?

Loneliness is a result of the fall. Before God created Eve, Adam was alone without a suitable human companion. But Adam never felt lonely before sin entered the world. He had perfect communion and fellowship with God. There was no sin to hinder that relationship.

Adam and Eve's rebellion produced painful consequences. Sin destroyed their perfect union with God. Sin fractured their perfect union with each other. It was never God's original intention that we feel lonely, isolated, and alone. Loneliness is one of sin's bitter fruits.

Since the fall, our loneliness can deepen through a life of isolation, broken relationships, poor communication, fear and insecurity, and a wrong view of self.

Can Marriage Cure Loneliness?

No. Many single adults experience loneliness, but married people get lonely too. In fact, some feel more lonely being married than they did when they were single.

People in difficult marriages are lonely. They may agree to sleep in the same bed. They may agree when to stop arguing. But there is no meaningful connection. "It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife" (Prov. 21:9).

People in good marriages are lonely too. When a wife is separated from her husband for many days due to a business trip, she can feel lonely. When one spouse loses his mind to Alzheimer's dementia, both can feel intensely isolated and alone.

Sin created a barrier between us and God. Sin also corrupted marriage, the most intimate of human relationships. Because of sin, even married people feel lonely.

We experience loneliness when we "expect others to meet our needs and covet their attention and care rather than letting God sustain us...It is wrong to substitute human companions for God and place your faith in them instead of Him." ^[1]

Why Are Christians Never Truly Alone?

Every human being is never alone. God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit is always present.

Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me. (Ps. 139:7–10 ESV)

Am I a God at hand, declares the LORD, and not a God far away? Can a man hide himself in secret places so that I cannot see him? declares the LORD. Do I not fill heaven and earth? declares the LORD. (Jer. 23:23–24 ESV)

Our path to overcoming loneliness begins when we are united with our Lord Jesus Christ. When we place our trust in Christ to forgive us of our sin, we are united with Him. Our entire life is transformed. Our personal identity changes. Christ's Spirit indwells us, and He becomes our constant companion, counselor, and friend.

"And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever, even the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees him nor knows him. You know him, for he dwells with you and will be in you." (John 14:16–17)

Christ Jesus experienced a great deal of loneliness, especially at the garden of Gethsemane and at the cross. His disciples left Him, and even God left Him temporarily at the cross. Christ Jesus is our great High Priest who can identify with our loneliness. We can always pray to God who understands, cares, and is ready to show us mercy and grace.

"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." (Heb. 4:15–16)

We also share new commonalities with other Christians who are united with Christ. We have the same faith, the same hope, and the same Lord. We enjoy the same desires and goals.

"There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call—one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all." (Eph. 4:4–6)

We have fellowship with God, and we have fellowship with other Christians. All of us inherit this new status. Christians are never alone.

What Should We Do When We Feel Lonely?

When loneliness presses in, look first to God. He is our ever-present refuge.

Moses taught the Israelites this truth: "The eternal God is your refuge, and his everlasting arms are under you" (Deut. 33:27 NLT). The psalmist declared his confidence that Yahweh was his constant keeper: "Even if my father and mother abandon me, the Lord will hold me close" (Ps. 27:10 NLT).

"I will lift up my eyes to the mountains; from where shall my help come? My help comes from Yahweh, who made heaven and earth...Yahweh is your keeper; Yahweh is your shade on your right hand...Yahweh will keep your going out and your coming in from now until forever." (Ps. 121:1, 4, 8 LSB)

The apostle Paul was often alone and abandoned by his companions, so he sought strength and protection by looking to God. "At my first defense no one supported me, but all deserted me. May it not be counted against them. But the Lord stood with me and strengthened me" (2 Tim. 4:16–17a LSB).

God can minister to us in our moments of loneliness through our prayers and through our time reading and meditating on His Word. In fact, loneliness is a type of trial that God has designed for good (James 1:2–3). It can stir us to profitable self-examination, humble dependency, and a necessary desire to know God more.

How Does Serving Others Help Us Overcome Loneliness?

As Christians, we have a new identity and standing. We also have a new perspective. We are not to look at our self-interest but to shift our attention toward others. Do not be fixated on how others are not loving you. Focus on how you can grow in your love for others.

"Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus." (Phil. 2:3–5)

Look and see others for who they really are. Listen carefully to other people. Reach out and show others mercy. Think and pray for the needs of others.

The apostle Paul, when he was forced to leave the Christians at Thessalonica, constantly thought about his fellow brothers in Christ. Instead of dwelling on his personal problem, he set his focus on others. What brought Paul joy was looking at the well-being of others.

"But since we were torn away from you, brothers, for a short time, in person not in heart, we endeavored the more eagerly and with great desire to see you face to face, because we wanted to come to you—I, Paul, again and again—but Satan hindered us. For what is our hope or joy or crown of boasting before our Lord Jesus at his coming? Is it not you? For you are our glory and joy." (1 Thess. 2:17–20)

It is vital for us to not just attend but involve ourselves in a local church so we can practically love and serve our fellow brethren.

And let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the day drawing near. (Heb. 10:24–25)

We also want to cultivate a godly character that is conducive to developing friendships. Some of these character attributes may include transparency and vulnerability, tolerance and forbearance, sincerity and earnestness, Christian love, joyfulness, humility, and hospitality.

Will Loneliness Ever Fully Go Away?

Even though we are not alone, we can still feel lonely. Feelings of loneliness will never disappear completely until we are with God forever in the eternal state. Only then will we never experience any more sadness, pain, and loneliness.

"Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, 'Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.'" (Rev. 21:1–4)

Until then, we want to cultivate a heart of thanksgiving and Christian contentment to combat the temptation to grumble and complain during our seasons of loneliness.

Seven Reminders for the Lonely Christian

Do not be surprised that you feel lonely. Because of sin, loneliness is a universal condition for all people. Even marriage, the most intimate of human relationships, cannot fully remove our feelings of isolation. This was not God's original plan, but it is our present reality.

Remember that God has restored our broken relationship with Him. Because of the person and work of Jesus Christ, we can be forgiven of our sins and united with Christ. We are set free of sin's penalty and power. This includes deliverance from the loneliness that results from our defective communion and fellowship with Him.

Nothing in this fallen world cures loneliness. Not even marriage. Sin has corrupted every part of God's creation. Do not pursue or hope for anything in this world to relieve us from loneliness. That pursuit will fail.

Remind yourself that you are never alone. The Spirit of God indwells every Christian. We have a new commonality and fellowship with other believers, since we share the same faith, same hope, and same Lord. We have a new identity, and we have a new purpose in life. Our Lord Jesus Christ was left alone on the cross (Matt. 27:46) so that we, as Christians, will never be alone.

Look to God, our shield and protector. God is the answer to our struggle with loneliness. Our feelings of isolation and emptiness can be satisfied by our personal and intimate relationship with our Heavenly Father through the work of Jesus Christ and the intercession of the Holy Spirit.

Christ gives you a new perspective. We can focus on serving God and others and not just ourselves. When we focus on serving and loving others, we will gradually forget how others are not loving us. This is one way we can experience more joy and overcome loneliness this side of eternity.

You have an eternal hope. In this life, we will need to cope with loneliness, and the loneliness may feel agonizing. But we eagerly await a future day when we will be rid of this pain in the new heavens and new earth with our God. Only then does God promise to eradicate forever our feelings of loneliness.

1. Lou Priolo, Loneliness: Connecting with God and Others (Phillipsburg, NJ: P&R Publishing, 2023), 13. ↩︎

Further Readings on Loneliness

• Finding Your Way Through Loneliness by Elisabeth Elliot
• Loneliness: Connecting with God and Others by Lou Priolo
• Finding God in My Loneliness by Lydia Brownback
• All the Lonely People by Scott Devor