10 Traits of a True Christian Friend from 1 Samuel 18:1–5

In 1 Samuel 18:1–5, we encounter one of the most cherished friendships in the Old Testament—the profound bond between Jonathan and David. Their story, rich with loyalty and sacrifice, invites us to explore a vital question: What sets true Christian friendship apart from other relationships? 

As believers, we might assume friendships come easily, bound by our shared faith, hope, and devotion to one God. Yet, genuine Christian friendships are rare, their depth and value often elusive in a world where surface connections abound. This passage reveals how God blessed the Israelites through Jonathan’s deep commitment to David, marked by gifts and unwavering loyalty. It unveils ten distinct marks that define authentic Christian friendship, offering a blueprint for relationships that reflect divine blessing and bring immeasurable worth to our lives.

I. Christian Friendships Come Unexpectedly. (v.1a)

As David concluded his audience with King Saul, a remarkable moment unfolded: “Now it happened when he [David] had finished speaking to Saul” (1 Sam. 18:1a). In the wake of a fierce military clash with the Philistines, forming a new friendship was far from David’s or Jonathan’s mind. Yet, as the text emphasizes—“as soon as he had finished speaking” (ESV)—their bond emerged suddenly, without warning or premeditation. This friendship, unplanned and unforeseen, blossomed with startling swiftness, defying the ordinary pace of human connection.

To appreciate the improbability of this pairing, consider who Jonathan was. As Saul’s eldest son and heir to the throne, Jonathan was a seasoned commander in Israel’s army. His valor shone in 1 Samuel 14, where he led a daring strike against the Philistines, showcasing his military prowess and courage. In contrast, David was a young teenager from the tribe of Judah, a humble shepherd with no royal lineage. Jonathan, likely in his twenties or older, hailed from the tribe of Benjamin and carried the weight of princely status. In modern terms, David was a high school student, while Jonathan was a college graduate with years of battlefield experience. Their differences—tribe, age, and social standing—offered no common ground, making their friendship an unexpected pairing.

The speed of their bond was equally astonishing. With little prior interaction and fresh off David’s triumph over Goliath, Jonathan’s connection with David formed almost instantaneously. This rapid, unscripted alliance, sparked in the aftermath of battle, underscores the divine orchestration behind their friendship, revealing how God can forge profound relationships in the most unlikely moments and between the most improbable individuals.

II. Christian Friendships Involve the Soul. (v.1b)

Following David’s audience with Saul, a profound connection took root: “The soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David” (1 Sam. 18:1b). This vivid imagery evokes a deep, inseparable bond. Other versions capture it as Jonathan being “bound to David in close friendship” (CSB) or “one in spirit with David” (NIV). The Hebrew phrase echoes a poignant moment in Genesis 44, where Judah describes Jacob’s devotion to Benjamin: “his life is bound up in the boy’s life” (Gen. 44:30–31). Just as Jacob’s well-being was entwined with Benjamin’s, so Jonathan’s soul was intertwined with David’s, their lives bound together in a way that transcended ordinary companionship.

Many modern friendships are transactional, formed for convenience or mutual benefit—think of carpooling partners or acquaintances in a youth group labeled as friends. Yet, true Christian friendship reaches far deeper, engaging the heart and soul. It is not a surface-level alliance but a connection that touches the core of who we are. This depth calls us to remain open to unexpected friendships, embracing bonds that may form across divides of age, interests, ethnicity, or culture. When we allow such friendships to take root, we can expect them to stir our innermost being, forging ties that reflect the soul-deep unity God intends for His people.

III. Christian Friendships Require Love. (v.1c)

As the bond between Jonathan and David took root, a defining quality emerged: “Jonathan loved [David]” (1 Sam. 18:1c). This love, central to true Christian friendship, comprises two vital components. First, it is an inner disposition shaped by shared experiences. Jonathan witnessed David’s extraordinary courage in facing Goliath, his passionate zeal to defend God’s honor, and his ability to inspire Israel’s army. He observed David’s humility, crediting God for his victory rather than seeking personal glory. These qualities stirred Jonathan’s heart, prompting him to deliberately choose friendship with David, a choice grounded in admiration and respect.

Second, Christian love is a purposeful act of the will, not a fleeting emotion or uncontrollable feeling. Scripture illuminates this truth: 

In this is love, not that we have loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. (1 John 4:10–11)

God chose to love us while we were yet sinners, demonstrating that love is intentional. This divine example compels us to love others, for without love, genuine friendship cannot exist. As Proverbs declares, “A friend loves at all times” (Prov. 17:17a). This love is not always easy; it often requires speaking hard truths. Proverbs further teaches, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy” (Prov. 27:6).

My wife, whose love for me runs deep, delivers the most challenging rebukes, truths others might shy away from. Her honesty, rooted in love, strengthens our bond. Likewise, true Christian friendship demands a love that is both a heartfelt response to another’s character and a steadfast commitment to their good, even when it calls for difficult conversations.

IV. Christian Friendships Are Selective. (v.1c)

In the unfolding bond between Jonathan and David, Jonathan’s love was selective: “Jonathan loved [David]” (1 Sam. 18:1c). This deliberate choice highlights the selective nature of true Christian friendship. In Jonathan’s era, as in ours, men who genuinely seek God’s heart are rare. As the crown prince, Jonathan was surrounded by countless individuals eager to claim his friendship, drawn to his wealth, power, and godliness. Yet, the text does not depict him forming many friends. Instead, it emphasizes his intentional decision to love David, suggesting a purposeful selectivity in his relationships.

The wisdom of Proverbs underscores this principle. “A man of too many friends comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother” (Prov. 18:24). Shallow, superficial connections often lead to trouble, but a true friend offers loyalty surpassing even family ties. Scripture warns against hasty friendships with those of poor character: “Do not befriend a man of anger; and do not come along with a man of great wrath, lest you learn his ways and take on a snare against your soul” (Prov. 22:24–25). Conversely, godly companions elevate us: “Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another” (Prov. 27:17). Paul reinforces this caution: “Do not be deceived: ‘Bad company corrupts good morals’” (1 Cor. 15:33).

While Christians are called to love all neighbors, we must be discerning in choosing close friends. Jonathan, likely yearning for a kindred spirit who shared his deep devotion to the Lord and willingness to risk all for God’s honor, found such a soul in David. Recognizing David’s character, he eagerly pursued this friendship, not for personal gain but out of genuine affinity. This selectivity, rooted in shared faith and virtue, marks true Christian friendship, encouraging us to seek companions who will sharpen our faith and walk alongside us in pursuit of God’s glory.

V. Christian Friendships Prioritize Others. (v.1d)

The depth of Jonathan’s bond with David shines through a poignant declaration: “Jonathan loved him as his own soul” (1 Sam. 18:1d). This profound statement echoes Jesus’ command, quoting Leviticus 19:18, to “love your neighbor as yourself” (Matt. 22:39). In true Christian friendship, believers love their friends with the same care and devotion they extend to themselves, placing others’ needs on par with their own.

Jesus illustrated this selfless love in the Parable of the Good Samaritan. A man, ambushed by thieves and left for dead, was ignored by a priest and a Levite who passed by without aiding him. Yet, a Samaritan, moved by compassion, acted differently: 

And [the Samaritan] came to him and bandaged up his wounds, pouring oil and wine on them, and he put him on his own animal, and brought him to an inn and took care of him. And on the next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper and said, ‘Take care of him, and whatever more you spend, when I return I will repay you.” (Luke 10:34–35)

The Samaritan’s actions were extraordinary—not only tending to the man’s immediate needs but also ensuring his ongoing care at personal cost. I might pay my own hospital bills, but would I cover another’s entirely? This is the radical love Christian friendship demands.

Jonathan’s love for David, as his own soul, embodied this selflessness. True Christian friendship prioritizes others, reflecting a heart that seeks their well-being with the same urgency and care as one’s own. This sacrificial love, modeled by the Good Samaritan and lived out by Jonathan, challenges us to cultivate friendships that place others first, mirroring Christ’s call to love deeply and generously.

VI. Christian Friendships Reject Envy. (v.2)

As David’s role in Saul’s court deepened, a significant shift occurred: “And Saul took him that day and did not let him return to his father’s house” (1 Sam. 18:2). Previously, David had balanced his duties, traveling between serving Saul and tending his father’s flock in Bethlehem (1 Sam. 17:15). Now, Saul claimed him permanently, integrating him into the royal household not merely as a court member but as a son. This adoption marked a profound change in David’s allegiance, binding him to Saul’s family in a way that severed his freedom to return home.

For Jonathan, Saul’s heir and eldest son, this could have sparked deep envy. David, a young shepherd, was now elevated to a status rivaling Jonathan’s own. In 1 Samuel 14:43–45, Saul had nearly executed Jonathan despite his heroic victory over the Philistines, yet now he showered David with favor and privilege. David’s rising popularity among Israel would soon eclipse Jonathan’s, and ultimately, David, not Jonathan, would ascend as Israel’s king. Despite these realities, Jonathan harbored no jealousy. His heart remained free of envy, warmly embracing David as a brother within the household.

This absence of envy is a hallmark of true Christian friendship. Envy erodes trust and poisons relationships, making genuine friendship impossible where it festers. Jonathan’s selfless acceptance of David’s favor and future calling challenges us to root out envy in our friendships. By rejecting jealousy and celebrating others’ blessings, we cultivate bonds that reflect the unity and love God desires, fostering friendships that endure through life’s inequalities and trials.

VII. Christian Friendships Require Commitment. (v.3)

The bond between Jonathan and David deepened through a solemn act: “Then Jonathan cut a covenant with David” (1 Sam. 18:3a). A covenant is an oath-bound promise, a binding commitment rooted in trust and loyalty. In ancient times, the higher-ranking party typically initiated such agreements, and as the king’s son and heir, Jonathan held the superior status. David, a young shepherd and subordinate, deferred to Jonathan, using respectful language (1 Sam. 20:7–8) and taking a secondary role in their partnership, as seen when Jonathan granted him leave (1 Sam. 20:5) and bore responsibility for his absence (1 Sam. 20:27). Jonathan’s initiative in forging this covenant underscored his commitment to David, elevating their friendship beyond casual acquaintance.

True Christian friendship demands such intentional commitment, yet many today shy away from it, hindered by fear, laziness, or indifference. Every commitment carries risk—the possibility of disappointment or hurt. But consider Jesus, who, before the world’s creation, pledged to become human, endure the cross, and atone for humanity’s sin. His unwavering commitment to redeem us models the selflessness required in friendship. Jonathan’s covenant with David challenges us to make deliberate promises to our friends, embracing the vulnerability and sacrifice that forge enduring, Christlike bonds. By committing to one another, we reflect the divine faithfulness that strengthens Christian friendship, creating relationships that withstand life’s trials.

VIII. Christian Friendships Show Humility. (v.4a)

In a striking gesture of selflessness, Jonathan solidified his bond with David: “Then Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was on him” (1 Sam. 18:4a). By removing his royal robe, Jonathan symbolically acknowledged David as God’s chosen future king, a truth he later affirmed: “Do not be afraid, because the hand of Saul my father will not find you, and you will be king over Israel, and I will be second to you” (1 Sam. 23:17a). This act of humility, setting aside his princely status, reflects a hallmark of true Christian friendship.

Jesus Christ, the ultimate example of humility, modeled this same self-emptying love. Though co-equal with God the Father, He “did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, by taking the form of a slave” (Phil. 2:6–7). At the Last Supper, Jesus demonstrated this humility vividly: 

Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into His hands, and that He had come forth from God and was going back to God, got up from supper, and laid aside His garments; and taking a towel, He tied it around Himself. Then He poured water into the washbasin, and began to wash the disciples’ feet. (John 13:3–5)

As the guest of honor, seated at the table’s head, Jesus removed His outer garments—a practical act to free His movements but also a profound symbol of relinquishing His divine status. By washing the disciples’ feet, a task reserved for the lowest servant, He embraced the role of a slave, culminating in His obedient death on the cross.

Jonathan’s willingness to be “number two” to David mirrors this Christlike humility. A true Christian friend rejoices in another’s elevation, willingly setting aside personal status to serve. This humility, free from rivalry or pride, fosters friendships that honor God, where each seeks the other’s good above their own, reflecting the servant-hearted love of Jesus.

IX. Christian Friendships Show Generosity. (v.4b)

Jonathan’s commitment to David was sealed with an extraordinary act of generosity: “Jonathan . . . gave [his robe] to David, with his armor, even his sword and his bow and his belt” (1 Sam. 18:4b). In ancient times, covenants were often cemented with significant gifts, much like an engagement ring today symbolizes a marital pledge. By bestowing his royal robe upon David, Jonathan yielded his claim to the throne, acknowledging David as God’s chosen king. Beyond the robe, he surrendered his armor, sword, bow, and belt—prized possessions in an era when high-quality weapons were scarce. 

So it happened on the day of battle that neither sword nor spear was found in the hands of any of the people who were with Saul and Jonathan, but they were found with Saul and his son Jonathan. (1 Sam. 13:22). 

The Israelites’ armies were underequipped, making Jonathan’s gift of his finest weaponry a profound sacrifice, leaving him more vulnerable in future conflicts. The broader context underscores this generosity. After defeating Goliath, David kept the giant’s weapons in his tent (1 Sam. 17:54), later requesting Goliath’s sword when unarmed, declaring, “There is none like it; give it to me” (1 Sam. 21:9). Jonathan’s gifts, including irreplaceable military gear, mirrored this scarcity, amplifying their significance. Tragically, Jonathan’s selflessness may have contributed to his vulnerability, as he later died in battle, possibly lacking the weapons he had given David.

Jonathan’s lavish giving exemplifies the generosity that marks true Christian friendship. Sparing no expense, he prioritized David’s well-being over his own security, offering gifts that carried immense personal cost. This selfless act challenges us to cultivate friendships defined by open-handed generosity, where we freely give of our resources, time, and support, trusting God to provide as we honor others above ourselves.

X. Christian Friendships Promote Success. (v.5)

As David stepped into his role within Saul’s court, his success became undeniable: “So David went out wherever Saul sent him and prospered” (1 Sam. 18:5a). Wherever Saul deployed him with the army, David achieved remarkable victories, earning swift promotion. Saul appointed him “over the men of war,” elevating him above Abner, the former commander of the army (1 Sam. 17:55), to become Saul’s chief military leader. Behind this rise stood Jonathan, whose friendship was marked by a heartfelt desire for David’s success. Jonathan poured everything into their bond—his royal robe, his weapons, and his unwavering loyalty—bolstering David’s reputation and securing favor among the people and Saul’s servants (1 Sam. 18:5c).

True Christian friendship seeks the success of the other, offering support that uplifts and strengthens. Ecclesiastes captures this mutual benefit: 

Two are better than one because they have good wages for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not a second one to lift him up. (Eccl. 4:9–10)

Friends provide a lifeline, helping each other navigate challenges. Proverbs adds, “Oil and incense make the heart glad, so counsel from the soul is sweet to his friend” (Prov. 27:9), highlighting the joy and guidance that flow from heartfelt advice. As pastor Brian Borgman aptly notes, “One true biblical Christ-centered friend is better than twenty biblical counselors.” Jonathan’s commitment to David’s flourishing exemplifies this, urging us to cultivate friendships that champion each other’s victories, offering encouragement, counsel, and loyalty to propel one another toward God’s purposes.

Final Thoughts

Christian friendship is a sacred gift from God, imbued with profound significance that calls us to action. To fully embrace this blessing, consider two vital encouragements.

First, strive to be a good friend. The goal is not to amass many friends but to embody the qualities of a true friend. Notice the newcomer and extend a warm welcome. When someone sits alone, isolated in silence, approach them with kindness. If a peer lacks a companion, step in with compassion. True Christian friendship prioritizes being a friend over having a large number of friends.

Jesus exemplifies this self-giving love. While we were still sinners, He dwelt among us, prioritizing our redemption. He chose us selectively, never envied, fulfilled God’s covenant, and humbled Himself, laying down His life for His sheep. As He declared, “Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13). 

Jesus faced betrayal and abandonment. In Gethsemane, Judas greeted Him with a kiss, betraying Him, yet Jesus still called him “Friend” (Matt. 26:49–50). In His final hours, nearly all His disciples fled, leaving Him alone. Jesus understands the pain of friendlessness, yet He modeled unwavering friendship. Even when friendships falter, strive to be a good friend, reflecting His sacrificial love.

Second, know your best friend. For followers of Christ, Jesus is our most faithful companion. If you have not yet surrendered to Him as Lord and Savior, repent today, seeking forgiveness for your sins and asking Him to welcome you as His friend. Jesus promises, “You are My friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you slaves, for the slave does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends” (John 15:14–15a). 

The hymn captures this beautifully: “What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear! What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer! Do thy friends despise, forsake thee? Take it to the Lord in prayer! In His arms He’ll take and shield thee, thou wilt find a solace there.” In Jesus, we find a friend who never fails, empowering us to be true friends to others, anchored in His boundless love.

Questions for Reflection:

• Think of a friend. How did you meet and become friends? 
• Describe a specific instance when God used a friend to encourage you during a challenging time.
• Which marks of Christian friendship do you want to work on as you desire to be a genuine Christian friend?
• What does God encourage us to do when we feel lonely and no friend seems close?

This article comes from chapter five in Pedro Cheung's latest book, Faith for the Fight: Lessons from David's Early Life to Prepare for the Real World! Read more lessons from 1 Samuel and the early life of David through this resource. Grab your copy now with this author!

Faith for the Fight by Pedro Cheung

Lessons from David's Early Years to Prepare for the Real World

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